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"what else do you want from me?"
"to be a father and to realize your family is drowning."
"to be a father and to realize your family is drowning."
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boundaries of language
boundaries of language
06 February 2009 @ 12:48 pm
i, i, i.
you, you, you.
shut the hell up!
there's no more words left.
hollow.
i miss you grandma.
you, you, you.
shut the hell up!
there's no more words left.
hollow.
i miss you grandma.
14 January 2009 @ 12:00 am
who the fuck am i,
what the fuck makes me happy,
and why the fuck am i wasting so much time avoiding it?
what am i doing with [to] myself?
what the fuck makes me happy,
and why the fuck am i wasting so much time avoiding it?
what am i doing with [to] myself?
Current Mood: 
frustrated
frustrated20 December 2008 @ 06:40 pm
i just don't understand why i put so much energy into those who can so easily drop me from their lives, just like that.
why do you find pleasure in creating such negativity, drama, hate?
there's enough in the world.
you inject ink into your skin, announcing to the universe the peace you feel within..
(how does it feel to lie?)
i like the imperfection of the symbol on my wrist,
flushed and faded like a scar,
a reminder of all i've overcome, of strength, of the beliefs that saved me,
of peace, of all the love and the sounds of the universe, of hope and possibility.
i breathe, and try to just love, even those who do not appreciate the room they occupy in my heart.
why do i care so much?
is the hope for everyone to just love each other something completely naive?
do i sound like miss america pleading for world peace?
if i give up on that hope.. i think there will be nothing left of me,
just faded ink and wasted skin.
there will be no reason for strength anymore.
why do you find pleasure in creating such negativity, drama, hate?
there's enough in the world.
you inject ink into your skin, announcing to the universe the peace you feel within..
(how does it feel to lie?)
i like the imperfection of the symbol on my wrist,
flushed and faded like a scar,
a reminder of all i've overcome, of strength, of the beliefs that saved me,
of peace, of all the love and the sounds of the universe, of hope and possibility.
i breathe, and try to just love, even those who do not appreciate the room they occupy in my heart.
why do i care so much?
is the hope for everyone to just love each other something completely naive?
do i sound like miss america pleading for world peace?
if i give up on that hope.. i think there will be nothing left of me,
just faded ink and wasted skin.
there will be no reason for strength anymore.
25 November 2008 @ 10:33 am
Why do we allow society to limit our ability to love? You may only love one for the rest of your life. You may only love one gender. You may only love those who look like you. You may only love cats and dogs- hairless rats belong in sticky traps. Why can we not love the being for what it is- for its soul? Why can't my love for you be accepted by the world, simply because I am loving? Why do we build walls labeled with right and wrong- hate. You have a beautiful soul, a beautiful heart- isn't that enough reason? Or do I need to make sure what parts are located in your pants as well. Why does that matter? Straight, gay, bisexual, transexual- why does it matter? "Are you really so different?" she whispers. "Look at them with all the love in your heart." Everyone is so beautiful. Why do they put on these fronts? Why is it so hard to look a fellow walker of this earth in the eye? We are all one family. We are all one. Why are you running?
10 November 2008 @ 03:14 pm
I want my first home to be filled with windows, candles, incense, pillows, tea, colors, paint, photographs, love, and the sea breeze.
I want to ride my bike to the sand every morning to welcome the sun with yoga, kriya, and a swim.
I want to be close enough to my sister to invite her for afternoon tea; and close enough to my mom for family dinners (cooked in her kitchen of course) and wild weekends ;)
I want to visit the ocean every night to fill my notebooks with words written by moonlight.
I want to learn to play those rich acoustic melodies that pluck at my heartstrings, begging me to join, fill the rooms of my home with the wisdom within the notes.
I want my surf door to become a wall of waves and boards I can fall into.
I want dream catchers, crystals, dried petals, and wind chimes to dangle from my windows.
Once I have found that perfect home I will leave this one. I will know when the time is right.
Could this be it?
I want to ride my bike to the sand every morning to welcome the sun with yoga, kriya, and a swim.
I want to be close enough to my sister to invite her for afternoon tea; and close enough to my mom for family dinners (cooked in her kitchen of course) and wild weekends ;)
I want to visit the ocean every night to fill my notebooks with words written by moonlight.
I want to learn to play those rich acoustic melodies that pluck at my heartstrings, begging me to join, fill the rooms of my home with the wisdom within the notes.
I want my surf door to become a wall of waves and boards I can fall into.
I want dream catchers, crystals, dried petals, and wind chimes to dangle from my windows.
Once I have found that perfect home I will leave this one. I will know when the time is right.
Could this be it?
30 October 2008 @ 07:20 pm
wake up call from the anti abortion team hired by fiu's lovely republican group.
( thanks. )
this is not fucking okay for a school campus,
and alot of students were very upset- including and especially me.
what the hell is wrong with people?
isn't it funny how the same group always manages to cross the line? i respect everyone's opinions-- but this is going way too far. and not making anyone feel very good while they're getting a real worthwhile education in class.
and i don't want to hear shit from any of them with a dick in their pants about a woman's right.</div></div>
( thanks. )
this is not fucking okay for a school campus,
and alot of students were very upset- including and especially me.
what the hell is wrong with people?
isn't it funny how the same group always manages to cross the line? i respect everyone's opinions-- but this is going way too far. and not making anyone feel very good while they're getting a real worthwhile education in class.
and i don't want to hear shit from any of them with a dick in their pants about a woman's right.</div></div>
28 October 2008 @ 10:58 am
i was told before that i cared too much, loved too much, felt too much.
but actually.. there is no such thing as too much of any of those,
and that is what has been holding me back, keeping me closed.
thank you yes plus, thank you amanda and uma, my gurus...
i am so happy and filled with so much love..
and i have finally found what i've been searching for-
people who love as much as me, and who want the same things for the world.
this is a revolution, and i am a part of it already..
and i will devote my life to continuing it, passing this love and wisdom down to the generation after me.
i feel wonderful, free, at peace..
i feel.
no more running or hiding or pretending.
these are the people i've been searching for.
beautiful people filled with love.
i can't even put this into words right now.
but actually.. there is no such thing as too much of any of those,
and that is what has been holding me back, keeping me closed.
thank you yes plus, thank you amanda and uma, my gurus...
i am so happy and filled with so much love..
and i have finally found what i've been searching for-
people who love as much as me, and who want the same things for the world.
this is a revolution, and i am a part of it already..
and i will devote my life to continuing it, passing this love and wisdom down to the generation after me.
i feel wonderful, free, at peace..
i feel.
no more running or hiding or pretending.
these are the people i've been searching for.
beautiful people filled with love.
i can't even put this into words right now.
17 October 2008 @ 10:22 am
Nina Bruja,
Here my eyes are so full of beauty and sadness. I need to stop traveling for a while. I am moving back to Los Angeles, where I can work for my dad. Will you be there? Can you move back? I think I have found what I was looking for.
Angel Juan
Three more years, Witch Baby told herself. Three more years and then maybe you will be ready, you will have passed the test, you will be able to be with him again. Three years of living inside the big books, eating mushuritos, finding more places to punch holes in your body.
What was Angel Juan looking for? she wondered.
What am I looking for?
Here my eyes are so full of beauty and sadness. I need to stop traveling for a while. I am moving back to Los Angeles, where I can work for my dad. Will you be there? Can you move back? I think I have found what I was looking for.
Angel Juan
Three more years, Witch Baby told herself. Three more years and then maybe you will be ready, you will have passed the test, you will be able to be with him again. Three years of living inside the big books, eating mushuritos, finding more places to punch holes in your body.
What was Angel Juan looking for? she wondered.
What am I looking for?
30 September 2008 @ 03:58 pm
i walk past that window every tuesday and thursday morning,
drowsiness ebbing on delerium.
it sprawls from the tile on the floor to the tile on the ceiling.
and i paused for just a split second
wondering what would happen if i just charged,
(without meaning to like we three fear)
shattered the wall with my 93 pound frame,
fell.
then i could watch the shards of window hit the floor
rather than those of the heart that deserves better than me.
than this.
then you would have a room of crafts rather than worries.
then you would not be left alone here.
then you would have a few extra dollars.
then you could find someone better.
then you wouldn't be bothered.
then i could be free for a moment, selfish for a moment.
free
falling.
but i go to ENC1102 instead
every tuesday and thursday.
drowsiness ebbing on delerium.
it sprawls from the tile on the floor to the tile on the ceiling.
and i paused for just a split second
wondering what would happen if i just charged,
(without meaning to like we three fear)
shattered the wall with my 93 pound frame,
fell.
then i could watch the shards of window hit the floor
rather than those of the heart that deserves better than me.
than this.
then you would have a room of crafts rather than worries.
then you would not be left alone here.
then you would have a few extra dollars.
then you could find someone better.
then you wouldn't be bothered.
then i could be free for a moment, selfish for a moment.
free
falling.
but i go to ENC1102 instead
every tuesday and thursday.
16 September 2008 @ 06:25 am
"Hi:
I was so glad to hear from you. Let me know what day is good for you and Kristyn and I will be ready. :) I hope school is going well and that you like it. I want to come and visit your new job as soon as I can. I love you. :) Grandma"
says the 87 pound woman i thought we'd lost forever,
even though her heart was still beating and the chemo was working.
thank god for full moons, the season change, whatever the fuck it was that brought her back!
I was so glad to hear from you. Let me know what day is good for you and Kristyn and I will be ready. :) I hope school is going well and that you like it. I want to come and visit your new job as soon as I can. I love you. :) Grandma"
says the 87 pound woman i thought we'd lost forever,
even though her heart was still beating and the chemo was working.
thank god for full moons, the season change, whatever the fuck it was that brought her back!
16 September 2008 @ 12:49 am
since saturday morning driving to work, trying to stop the tears with mini muffins and clog the feelings of helplessness with shrunken chocolate chips, i have been struggling to turn off the faucets behind my eye sockets.
i cry for everyone and everything
except myself.
there are so many bigger things out there to mourn,
i don't consider wasting sadness on my insignificant being.
"you're more stressed than anyone in this room.."
are you joking?! selfless boy.. i owe you a raisin bagel.
(there's no need to leave the house, let alone fly overseas to find grief and the grieving)
i don't know how i'll handle haiti
or india
or wherever else the universe and 2000 dollar plane tickets take me.
but i cry for the good too,
like my grandmother waking up, doing her makeup, paying her bills, and requesting bagels to fill her miniscule frame.
seeing her number on the caller id for the first time in months.
it's a mad, mad world.
i cry for everyone and everything
except myself.
there are so many bigger things out there to mourn,
i don't consider wasting sadness on my insignificant being.
"you're more stressed than anyone in this room.."
are you joking?! selfless boy.. i owe you a raisin bagel.
(there's no need to leave the house, let alone fly overseas to find grief and the grieving)
i don't know how i'll handle haiti
or india
or wherever else the universe and 2000 dollar plane tickets take me.
but i cry for the good too,
like my grandmother waking up, doing her makeup, paying her bills, and requesting bagels to fill her miniscule frame.
seeing her number on the caller id for the first time in months.
it's a mad, mad world.
07 September 2008 @ 09:04 pm
07 September 2008 @ 11:44 am
www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/sep/07/nat
i'll be there this summer planting trees and doing yoga and meditation workshops every day.
it's going to be wonderful.. and it may not be my first community service trip this year!
yoga club is planning a food drive for the hurricane ike victims in haiti.
since ike most likely won't be hitting us, you'll have something to do with all that canned food you don't need!
04 September 2008 @ 09:32 am
"yo, that lady on the republican convention.. i liked her. she was on point about everything she said."
killing polar bears, incest babies, and that little hole in the ozone layer being the fault of the trees?
oh yeah.
i'm moving to canada.
killing polar bears, incest babies, and that little hole in the ozone layer being the fault of the trees?
oh yeah.
i'm moving to canada.
29 August 2008 @ 12:51 pm
mr. obama almost caused a bar brawl between fat pizza dude and my mama.
but you don't mess with a mama in heels stickin up for her babies.. even if they're twentyfour!
also,
www.youtube.com/watch
but you don't mess with a mama in heels stickin up for her babies.. even if they're twentyfour!
also,
www.youtube.com/watch
20 August 2008 @ 08:45 pm
i've made it real easy for people to do something to try and save the earth they live on.
the one with the giant hole in it's ozone layer.
they wouldn't even have to get off their asses and away from the computer screen!
just send me a god damn picture, that's it.
but
no.
one.
cares.
can't wait til florida sinks and the polar bears die. thanks guys
27 July 2008 @ 10:32 pm
it is possible.
found you, tattoo poet artist boy.
and
thanks for fixing my heart.
happy monthaversary at 1:45 am :)